In the 15 years I’ve been working in the field of law, I’ve observed numerous mistakes individuals make when going through divorce. Here are seven of the most costly mistakes I’ve seen.
Tip #1 Oversharing
What is the definition of oversharing? It’s when you tell anyone who will listen the details of your divorce and separation. The end of a marriage, particularly when children are involved it should be something that’s private. When and how you inform the world you’re getting divorced is your decision, however sharing information with your friends, family members and even social media may cause harm if done without thoughtful consideration and a clear plan about what you’re trying to achieve.
If you have to talk with anyone about the separation discussing the situation with your closest friend is one thing, however telling the parents of your children’s schools that you’re a deceitful person will not help your situation. The conversations you have with your spouse should be saved to the therapist’s room.
Tip #2 Fight about things that aren’t important
I often see this. Clients want to “win” in the divorce (FYI that you cannot “win” a divorce lawsuit). They may also hate their spouse to the point that they’ll create unreasonable demands to get their way – while doing it in a way that can make it more difficult to resolve their dispute.
Here’s a suggestion. If you’re starting to fight over small issues that really don’t matter it is time to look around and think about why you’re doing it and the reason. What’s going on within you that has caused you to engage in behavior that is self-destructive and can harm your life in the end?
Disputing over a TV, or the car, or even the living room set could result in more expense and increase the amount of stress, and cut some time off your schedule. In addition, there is the added costs in the form additional legal costs. In essence, you’re “spending a dollar to save a penny.”
Tip #2 Don’t start with the final goal in your
In the majority of cases, when people undergo an annulment and aren’t sure what they’d like to get out of the process. It’s usually because they’ve not taken the time to contemplate their goals and intentions. Do they want to spend more time with their kids or protect their retirement savings? Do they wish to sign an agreement to separate as fast as possible , or receive the maximum amount of Alimony? Do they desire to get their separation done as fast as they can, or do they prefer to proceed in a systematic manner?
A key actions we take when we meet with clients discuss their goals. We also assist to develop a plan that will increase their chances of can achieve what they want from divorce. We’ve created a unique Goals Worksheet that guides our clients through the many legal and practical issues that pop into play in divorce cases and decide which ones are most important for you.
Tip #3 Staying in a Bad Marriage for Too Long
Many couples opt to stay together in a marriage that is unhappy “for the kids”. But, recent research has found that children thrive in homes that are separated and healthy as opposed to homes that are a stable marriage but not functioning.
When you’re a parent, taking the decision to divorce is sensible if the relationship is irreparably damaged. When your children turn into teens, they’re old enough to determine if you’re happy or not.
Even if you do not have children, many couples remain together in bad marriages because they fear what’s at the other end of the legal separation. They are unsure if they’re making the right choice to divorce and if they’ll ever get the love of their lives again? They ask themselves how they’ll do financially when they quit? They’re afraid of splitting all their assets, and what it will affect their retirement.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my clients. It’s extremely rare people leave their marriage and regret it. In all honesty, if it happens I’ve never seen it in my 15 years of managing family law issues.
Sometimes, it’s best to take off the bandage and go on. Are you scared? Sure. However, the data suggests that you’ll feel better over the long haul.
Tip #4 Don’t seek help from an Therapist
As we’ve discussed before sharing with all the globe about your imminent separation can feel nice for a moment however it’s not the best option to do for your legal situation or for your family or your long-term mental health. One of the worst things you can imagine to hear is gossip from other people about it, only to have the information be passed on to your child’s school or to your spouse , who may not yet be aware that you’re seeking a separation.
A therapist can be of excellent resource in this area. They can speak with you about your issues and assist you in resolving your concerns in a structured and strategic manner. They can provide you with constructive advice and assist you to to understand whether ending your marriage is the right choice in your case or not.
Tip #5: Leave the house without a written agreement
One of the most common mistakes I have seen from people who take the decision to go out is to take their time and rush through the process. They are desperate that they go home after a tense argument and then never return. This is among the worst things you could do. Their spouse asks them to they leave and they obey with the belief that it’s the right decision at the time.
Moving out of the home and formal separation is a major decision. It is necessary to consider the financial aspects, including how you will make it happen, how to pay for two homes on the basis of your income, the custody of your children, the place you’ll move to, and so on. This isn’t something to be taken lightly or done in a hurry.
It’s such a major decision that many clients employ us to complete what we refer to as “pre-separation planning”. We work with our clients to assist them in getting all their financial affairs in order and determine the ideal time to split. In reality we’ve also advised clients to move back into their homes the event that they are able to, since they’re not in the situation financially where separating is logical.
In time, we will assist in drafting permanent and interim agreements for custody and child support so you can leave without having to worry about being hit with a lawsuit for post separation maintenance, support for children, or custody.
Tip #6 Don’t talk with a lawyer in the beginning during the process
If you’re considering ending your relationship with your spouse and you are considering divorce, it’s not too late to speak with an attorney. We have clients who wait for six months, more than a year before contacting us on a regular basis. Making the decision to divorce is a major decision, and smart clients will take it in the right manner. Your consultation with a lawyer will be private and only us and you will be able to tell the fact that you spoke with us.
The advantages of having a meeting with a lawyer as early as possible are numerous. These sessions can be very beneficial in that we allow you to share with us the situation and we’ll ask many questions that will help you to understand the way in which your separation will appear to be. We will help you identify the appropriate time to split and what that you shouldn’t be doing to prepare for your separation.
A lot of our clients walk out of these sessions with the feeling that they know what they can expect and how the process will be like. We will outline our strategy to assist you in navigating the separation process efficiently and efficiently to ensure the most effective outcome for your family as well as you.
We hope you be able to use these suggestions in your search for the right choice to divorce from your spouse. We understand that this isn’t an easy choice, nor should it be considered lightly. Divorce is a significant legal process that has many moving elements.
If you have any questions or would like to set up an the first meeting in our company, feel free to call us at this number. Thank for downloading this tips sheet. We’re looking forward to hearing from your.